Externalize Your Feelings: Some concrete things to do to feel better after the loss of a pet

Adorable Sam

When you are feeling sad or depressed on the inside, it can be immensely helpful to externalize those feelings. Expressing your painful feelings in a tangible way—in writing or in an artistic expression—can help to put some distance between the part of you that is in pain and the other parts that are resilient and strong. The death of a pet can leave us feeling helpless and without control. Creating something can help to restore a sense of empowerment and offer an active way to move through the grieving process.

Below are a few suggestions of how to creatively express your feelings. Keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself, and whatever you choose to create does not need to be shown to anyone or put on display. If you have your own ideas, I would love to hear them. Please post in the comments or contact me.

Write a Letter to Your Pet
This can be a really useful way to express your feelings towards to your pet and clarify what your pet meant to you. I often hear from people that they worry about forgetting their pet and they won't remember the special quirks or behaviors that made their pet unique. Writing a letter that includes your favorite memories or special aspects about your pet can help you to focus on the positive as well as provide a way to ensure that your memories stay alive.

Create a Mandala
The circular form of the mandala is one that has had a universally soothing quality for thousands of years. Quite often creating imagery inside of a circle elicits emotional expression and can be a comforting experience. You do not have to be artistic to do this. Simply trace a circle onto a piece of paper (you can use a plate, a can, any round container) and using crayons, markers, pastels, pencils or whatever material you have available simply draw what's on your mind in the moment. Your imagery does not need to be realistic, but can be abstract shapes, lines and colors. Just let your mind flow and see what happens. Quite often the circle shape acts as a container for feelings and can help to lessen their intensity. 

Make a Collage

Do you have lots of pictures of your pet? Pull some of your favorites and any other images (from magazines, the internet, other photo collections) that inspire or resonate and cut them out. Fill a page with pictures, words, stories about your pet, meaningful quotes. It is the process here that can really help you foster good memories, gain control and help you to generally feel better. Let go of any expectation for what it should look like and let yourself play for a little while.

Create a Special Box
Boxes can offer a sense of containment, safety and security. Decorate a special box and put some photos and or special things that remind you of your pet—favorite toys, tags, collars or any other mementos you may have. You can write your thoughts and feelings on a pieces of paper and keep them safely in the box. Consider the box your safe space, almost a three-dimensional journal, and put items in there that are meaningful to you.