The Disenfranchised Grief of Losing a Pet

Beloved Clue and friend Derek

Disenfranchised grief is a term used to describe grief that is not given adequate validation and recognition by society. Losing a pet is often an experience of disenfranchised grief. You may have been told "it’s just a dog," or "it’s just a cat," which may feel like your grief experience is being minimized. Well-meaning people may not understand that the loss of a pet evokes feelings as strong, or even stronger than the loss of a human relationship.

Pets are considered property in our legal system and the general sentiment projected in our culture is that losing a pet is not a significant loss–you can just "get a replacement." It's not unusual to feel ashamed and misunderstood by others when you are grieving a pet, and many people feel like they have to hide their grief and suffer in silence. This only adds to the pain.

If you are experiencing deep grief from the loss of a pet, you are entitled to it! There is nothing crazy or wrong about this experience. Your feelings are absolutely valid and a normal reaction for someone who has loved and bonded with an animal.

I encourage you to freely feel and experience the range of emotions likely to emerge during the grieving and healing process associated with losing a pet. It may help to seek out people who've been through a similar experience or to surround yourself with people with whom you can be your authentic self. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to express yourself in writing or in artwork. Whatever you are feeling, give yourself permission to honor those feelings and externalize them. Those feelings are legitimate.